Lets face it. All of us have inhibitions that hold us back, whether it’s through parental upbringing, high school values, peer pressure or office politics.
As adults, most of us tend to grow up moulded and shaped by our external surroundings without being aware of it. In fact, as we reach adulthood, we will typically reflect back on our childhood and start to wonder how children are actually able to stay happy in a state of hardship.
Of course, the logical answer to this would be through parental protection and censorship from the outside world and that the reason why all of us are forced to grow up is due to the idea that we’re now responsible and can see the world in a higher and mature context.
It’s a common misconception.
Lets pose the following question…
What if the world never actually changed and that the only thing that did was our influence?
The Problem
The issue with maturity and wisdom is that we’re often bombarded with outside information which ultimately influences our decisions and what we believe our true potential is.
We’re also often fooled into thinking that the things we learn are ‘matter of facts’ which can’t be broken.
We can also go a stage further and think changing can potentially cause a threat to your peers who may have up until that point, found it comfortable to see you in a certain way and refuse to see you grow.
The Dilemma
While it’s simple to want to embark on a new challenge in order to grow, the potential pitfalls may simply be far too challenging or vast for anyone to follow due to external consequences and the fear of disapproval, which will ultimately put you back in your box.
So the issue here isn’t really in a person’s willingness to stretch themselves and reach true expert status, but in their apprehension in being judged by the outside world.
The Box
What is the box? The best way to explain this is to use examples.
Lets suppose you made a big decision to go traveling but due to family values, your family objects because they worry about you traveling to a foreign country alone.
Or you’re at a dinner table in a discussion and suddenly, you speak up with a disagreement that causes a heated debate between you and your friends/family who ultimately disagree with you.
How would you feel in those situations?
It’s definitely a tough place to be in and is what commonly makes the path to change difficult.
The Solution
The biggest challenges often require big mental shifts in order to take the first grand step to growth and to ultimately find happiness.
It also requires complete self-confidence and a rock solid self-esteem in order to push forward despite the external challenges along the way.
In order to do this, we have to take a step back and analyse our current beliefs by asking ourselves the following questions…
1) What are my personal beliefs in comparison to others?
It’s likely that you may have a belief system that differs from others, which is absolutely fine. But you may feel afraid of expressing it due to fear. It’s important that you address this since fear of change isn’t really the issue, but the fear of your loved ones or your authorities not being there to support you while you are on your journey.
2) Are my beliefs more important than the people around me? If not, why not?
The reality of it is, all of us have a personal journey that is unique from others. The key to expressing this is in understanding that no one can ever truly know what’s good for you besides you. So it makes complete sense to believe in yourself with full conviction. Even if it means rejecting and disagreeing with others around you.
3) What should I do if i’m being given a hard time?
As a species, what makes us unique over other animals is in our ability to adapt within our surroundings. Therefore, as harsh as it may be, it may sometimes be necessary to find a new surrounding that is more aligned with your purpose. Maybe you need to make new friends with similar ambitions, attend seminars, join groups, or move locations. You really have more control than you think.
I truly believe that becoming an expert builds self-confidence and potential, but becoming an expert with yourself and knowing what you want is crucial. It paves your road map and gives you the courage to take action, which is what all of us are really looking for.
In my free YOU 2.0 course, I break this all down into a series of 7 short and concise videos which takes you on a step by step process from defining powerful beliefs to overcoming fear. Feel free to check it out.
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What’s holding you back from your true potential? What will you do in 2013 to change that? Let us know in the comments below this post.
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This timing of this post is incredible!
The thing that’s holding me back is my fear — specifically, the fear that other people, including the people closest to me, will disapprove of what I’m doing and think I’m a flake/a fraud/a terrible artist and businessperson.
I’m hoping to construct my own little bubble. A place where nobody’s opinion matters but mine and I can focus on my crazy ideas all I want. What I’m hoping is that there’s something stronger than fear — that excited, delirious feeling I get when I realize that I’ve found what I’m supposed to do with my life… and that restless feeling I get when I don’t let myself do it.
Hi Sarah,
It is clear that you care deeply about your ideas and want other people to experience the excitement you get from creating them.
The interesting paradox of success in anything is at some point someone is going to hate your ideas and they won’t mind telling you. Even Mother Teresa has people telling her she was a con & she is one step away from sainthood!
The truth is that excitement you have shown in just your short post will attract enough fans for your to do what you are supposed to do with your life.
P.S. I looked at your site and your designs are really cool, quirky if I was to put a label on it!
Regards
Aaron
I’m glad you liked it Sarah.
And i can relate to you in a lot of ways.
The hardest part for me was the frustration of not being able to share my enthusiasm with other people due to the negative responses i was getting because of not understanding what i was doing.
While forming your own bubble can be a solution, there will always be a danger of feeling lonely and will start to wonder whether what you’re doing is the right thing.
Our minds are very cunning. My best advice would be to find a group that share the same interests and passions as you. It really is the best way to align yourself with your goals.
Somewhere in the world, there will be a group of people that will be interested with what you’re doing.
You will be surprised, even the most peculiar interests that you might think won’t have any relevance to people, will in fact be of interest to someone who are into the same things as you.
The world really is a small place
Thank You! Just what I needed to feel empowered for the new year.
We often forget that it’s not fear itself that stop us from going for what we want in life.
Absolutely Evan.
Hope you have a great New Year!
Good article Onder and some valuable points. May I add based on primal behaviour (we are still animals after all) A fear of rejection from groups stems from a survival instinct that we tended not to be alive that long when being a lone ranger (even Chuck Norris would have struggled!)
With this in mind there is even research to suggest that we will conform to our place within a group in order to not disrupt the balance. With that in mind it is understandable people feel hesitant towards upsetting the people around them.
Regards
Aaron
Very good insight Aaron.
When you look at history and relate it to our nature, it all seems to make sense. We haven’t evolved much in the last 100,000 years.
So when you look at tribal times, we would have to conform or risk being rejected by our tribe and end up having to fend for ourselves.
That’s why all of us fear rejection and failure because our brain simply hasn’t evolved much over the years.
I have to agree: we make our own box, day by day.
That’s a hardly noticeable process, since we literally see the world from our box…
Fortunately, it’s also possible to jump out of that conditioning, and I’ve noticed that those who have this courage inspire those around them.
Thanks for the clarity of your article
No problem Gael,
I’m glad you liked the post
In total agreement and glad I found this blog. At the end of the day in order to be your true-self you must get over that fear of expressing your beliefs for the sake of pleasing others.